Love With Grace™: Character

by | Dec 22, 2022 | Love | 0 comments

“Character contributes to beauty. It fortifies a woman as her youth fades. A mode of conduct, a standard of courage, discipline, fortitude, and integrity can do a great deal to make a woman beautiful.” ~ Jacqueline Bisset

An Ageless Question…

The other day I was discussing love interests with an old friend. The argument came down to character or values as the best way to quickly determine a “go or no go” relationship decision… hopefully fast.

No need to waste time on someone out of bounds, so to speak!

She has created a litmus test of some 25 points that identify the man she is looking for. She sees character as her #1 test of a potential relationship.

Having written a number of books on this, I started my usual probe into a more focused approach to mate selection… especially the huge difference between what a person VALUES and the Roles they are willing to play to achieve their dreams and goals.

Character is who you are when no one is looking!

A very broad word that is impossible to quantify. But you can know it when you see it—but only up close, personal, and under tremendous fire.

Your character is your personality, especially how reliable and honest you are. If someone is of good character, they are reliable and honest. If they are of bad character, they are unreliable and dishonest. The Six Pillars of Character are: Trustworthiness, Respect, Responsibility, Fairness, Caring, and Citizenship.

No question, it is obvious on the surface that you want someone who is reliable, honest, and has integrity.

My test is far more indicative — the actual values by which you live.

Claiming values is worthless — but proving that you actually live what you value most is the key.

My values are worth dying for, not just living for—Freedom, Beauty, Curiosity, Loyalty, Adventure/Risk, Giving/Teaching, Spirituality, Power, Wealth/Luxury, and Sensuality. (Notice the risky picture above… imagine horseracing with her on a winding road through a field of clover:)

Pretty much, all my decisions, priorities, interests, and actions are focused on experiencing these keywords.

The reality is this. None of us are getting out of this life alive. We are all dying a day at a time. I am, as are you, hopefully dying for the right cause: Our values expressed as purpose or mission.

As our conversation progressed, I opined, “You and I have zero daylight between us as it relates to character… we both have integrity, honor, and duty drilled into us. You are far more religious than I (nothing to do with character) and I approach life in more of a scientific, causality approach to filtering my ethical decisions. Lots of religious zealots have little integrity and discernable character… I have worked with hundreds of them. You do not value power, wealth, or derivatives. You see your life as a missionary promoting religious expression and Jesus in general. To me, power is the ability to cause great change. You do it through prayer, I do it through the execution of powerful visions.”

My conclusion, after thinking about this all week…

Character as a litmus test will require lots of observation, but seeing a person live with real values is easy.

Jan’s values were Competition, challenge, adventure, love, curiosity, accomplishment/achievement, fairness at all costs, leadership/mentoring, spirituality, and compassion.

Our values were 100% in alignment, complementary, and leveraged to create an incredible life together.

To me, any relationship needs to fit my classical definition: A high-energy, conviction-driven partnership where two people pledge, vow, and take action to make each other’s dreams come true — I promised to help make her dreams come true… she promised to help make my dreams come true… together we had an exceptional marriage for 30 years.

We kept our promises.

A conclusion of sorts…

Clearly, we must test for character in a relationship. But that’s not the real test. Sure, we want an honest, respectable, trustworthy person in our life.

But to live life at the highest level we must have a relationship with highly leveraged, shared values.

If your top 5 or 6 core values do not mesh perfectly with the other person…


Eric Richard Haas, Author



Written by HunrayOne

Eric Richard Haas lost his beautiful wife, Janice, to incurable cancer on January 9, 2022, after 30 wonderful years of marriage. Together they have 5 kids, 9 grandkids, and 8 great-grandkids. Eric (E.R) is the CEO of the TQ Smart family of companies, a serial entrepreneur x22 and author x27 (AKA The Invisible Billionaire) E. R. lives in Palm Springs, CA with his beautiful cat, Kissie



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